Looking for Fenoglio

     Up before dawn, out just after first light. I'd spent the previous night tying tiny monofilament nooses. My fingers are now tuned to feel the tiny ticks and slips of thin strands. Two hours, and I'd hardly gotten fifteen nooses on the trap. Which is probably enough, but I feel the need to add more. This new line I got is fantastic and I'm convinced that it will snag any kestrel toes that touch it.
    I am wrong.
    The wind is blowing too hard and the weather progressively gets worse until leaving the car means getting a face full of stinging hail. The kestrels are all hiding from the wind, close to the ground. We find five males and two females that we can set up on, but none of them are prepared to leave their spots. The ones that do quickly lose interest in the trap and take off.
     The nooses I've tied are too large. They blow in the wind and deter the kestrels. The only thing we catch after two hours is a snag on a rock. The wind is bad and the Bal-Chatri needs work. The mice are freezing and huddle together instead of running around. All-in-all, it's time to go home.
    Fenoglio will live free for a few more days. I will clean the perches again and finish finals week.
    Then we will meet.
    Happy Hawking.

Looking Forward Without Moving On

It's been a month and a half since I found out Petrie was dead. It feels like longer. Nevertheless, I have my apprenticeship to finish, so I've been keeping my eyes open for passage birds in the area.

I wasn't legal to trap until now (nor did I want to), because I'd trapped my 2 birds in 2015. But now it's 2016 and I can trap again.

Here are my options:

1) Misty. She roosts in my neighbors porch and is just the most beautiful female I have ever laid eyes on. The coloration on her chest isn't just brown on white, but black on brown on white which makes for a very beautiful muddled hot cocoa and marshmallows look. I think she's a haggard, but I find that I really like the gusto haggards have.

2) Luke. He lives in the local park and he is a butt. He is the reason I can't train my birds in the local park, or really anywhere near my house because he's claimed such a freaking huge territory. Really, I'm not too enthusiastic about him, but hunting with him would mean that I might finally be able to train in the park. Up until I let him go.

3) Fenoglio. The wild passage I have yet to meet. Really, I only have a few months left of the season to fly a bird, and a passage would mean less training time and more hunting time. This is probably the best choice for my situation, but Misty might have just captured my heart.

I don't really know what I'll do. What I do know is that I need to order some BioThane for making anklets. Luckily, this teenager finally found a suitable job.

And, while I've got your attention, I might as well tell you my plans for next season, because they're one of the few things that help me look forward to life after Petrie. The Cooper's hawk is not an option because my parents are not comfortable with an accipiter in the house. But, I will be moving up to a merlin. I'm planning on trapping a female Columbarius (the ones here are black as black comes) and hunting her on doves by waiting on. Maybe at some starling flocks too, depending on the season and what she takes to.

And I've finally got my telemetry, so things will go better now. No more losing birds.

I'm Back, But Petrie Isn't (Final comments)

Final Comments
by me, Anna

HE was the first boy I ever loved

And the only one I ever kissed

He was the one that helped me fly when I felt earthbound

He reminded me that I had potential

We never had any real conversation

All our communication was movement

Fluid, dancing

He saw me, not as a monster, but as hunter

A guide, a helper

He was my companion

I was always around him

And when I was not

It was like the world was broken

Dying, wilting, falling

One day, I let him go

And He stayed

I promised myself that every day

We would work in our silence

Learn his body movements

And He learned mine

No, we did not speak

No, we did not need to

I counted his wing beats to know how far he was going

He counted my strides to know what I was watching

We knew what the other was thinking

Without actually asking

He knew where we were going by the coat I wore

And I swore that there was no way in hell I was letting him go again

I have not let him go

I have not moved on

He is long gone

But I am here

The first day after I found out he was dead

I was in the car, driving on the freeway

When a semi came up next to me

I thought ‘I could swerve

Right now

Just a little

And it would all be over’

I slid my hand up the wheel

Just a little

My front seat passenger slapped my wrist

Told me stay in my lane

But this is hard

I see Him on the other side of the truck

But I am stuck here,

The pain, they tell me, will go away

I do not believe them

But I have both my hands

And that means that my options are always open

One day… I promise myself

Some day…

I'm Back, But Petrie Isn't (continued)

A few days ago, my sponsor lost her imprint kestrel, and my immediate thought was that it was my fault.

It was the one day I'd gone to visit them in months. That night she lost him. I felt like the worlds biggest bad luck charm. That's not even adequate to describe it. I felt like my resistance to skipping a year in falconry, meant that God was taking it out on her, to show me once again that this year was a bad decision.

I just never learn.

Monica was infatuated with her kestrel, Anakin, more so than a normal falconer is with their bird. She had all these plans for him, all these goals she wanted to achieve. She had a billion things that she wanted to do. He was all that she talked about.

When imprint birds are lost, you only have a day or two to find them. Being raised with humans means that they don't know what they're doing in the wild and they die very quickly. Monica never found Anakin. And I still blame myself.

At this point, we're all just dying together and it's my fault.

I'm Back, But Petrie Isn't

This is about to get personal, dramatic, and a little religious, so there's your warning.

This whole season, I've had what I would describe as "a rock in my stomach" about falconry. I love falconry. You should know this by now. I can't fully describe the love that I have for this sport. I am in this for life. But I've had this feeling, like God was letting me know that falconry wasn't a good idea this year.

Now, I'm only a second year apprentice. I can't just skip a year. That's skipping half of my apprenticeship. And even if I could skip a year, there is not a single thing on the earth that would have convinced me to do so.

So, I got my bird; Bellatrix.

Then I lost my bird.

Then I got another bird; Petrie. I worked with Petrie. He was the most perfect bird I could ever hope for, but I couldn't provide enough game for him. That's the reason I let him go at the end of the season. I didn't want him to become dependent on me and end up unreleasable. But letting him spend a summer as a wild bird was exactly what he needed, and he was going to be perfect this season.

We started free flying and he was ready for hunting, but I had things going on that week, so we couldn't hunt quite yet.

On Tuesday, I started getting ready for our outing. We were going to go for a walk through the subdivision so he could get a lesson on following. This is where the bird is released completely and expected to move from perch to perch or in a soar and follow the falconer. Petrie was very good at this last year.

But I had a bad feeling.

So I took my time getting out of the house. I found my good boots. I did my hair. I put on my makeup. I did all the stupid little things I could to postpone our outing that day.

Then we went out, and Petrie was being perfect. He followed me like he hadn't gone anywhere over the summer. He hopped from rooftop to rooftop with little prompting.

Then a wild female came in. I didn't scream at her because I didn't want to freak out the neighbors on their porches, mistake number one.

Petrie ran from her and hid in a tree; her tree. She knocked him right out of it and the two tumbled to the ground. One stood on top of the other, but I couldn't tell which. There was a fence between us, that I should have just vaulted, but I didn't because I spent too many extra seconds worried about my bird and trespassing, mistake number two.

Finally, the two untangled themselves and Petrie took flight over my head. I frantically threw the lure out, even though there was nothing on it, mistake number three. He went for it, then skyed-up at the last moment. She chased him into another kestrel's territory and he chased him into another's until they were too far away for me to even know what to do. I can't drive and no one was home to drive me.

So I went home and cried. And as soon as people got home, they took me to a rehearsal I had for a play I didn't enjoy, that took up all my time. Mistake number four was going to rehearsals. I should have just dropped out. I knew I wasn't going to enjoy it and I knew that it was going to take up my time. And I let it.

Mistake number five was letting other things take up my search time.

Mistake number six was flying him in those oversized jesses.

Mistake number seven was not telling anyone but my sponsor.

Mistake number eight was thinking he would be okay.

A week later I had a borderline panic attack at 10 pm. I vowed to myself that I would go searching for him the next morning and only come back when I had him.

Mistake number nine was letting my mom convince me that she needed my help Christmas shopping. Even if I didn't go with her, though, I wouldn't be able to search half as well without the car. So mistake number nine was also letting myself wait till the next day.

That morning, someone found him dead in their pool.

That afternoon I picked up his body at their house.

That night I buried him.

I can't describe the rest of that week deeply enough. Petrie was dead and it's because I couldn't accept that I wasn't supposed to do falconry this season. I just wasn't.

Fecal Test, Free Flights, Bagged Game

     A lot's happened in the last week. My last post was me worrying about Petrie's bloody mutes. I got the fecal results back and they came back negative, so it looks like I went overboard on his weight reduction and shocked his kidneys. All is well, now. Petrie is healthy and acting fine.
     His training has been blowing by, since really, all of this is a refresher course. He's been pursuing the lure like a champ, so yesterday I free flew him for the first time on the lure and it went fantastically. The only thing that I wish would have happened, was I wish he would have taken a wider shot at the lure after missing it. He kept turning immediately after missing it without going out very far.
     But since that went so well, I bagged him on a tethered sparrow today. It also went very well. He hit the sparrow from a good distance away, and bound to it. He started working on it without any efforts to carry. He was quite nervous when I made in. Likely, it was because I did it too quickly and without giving him enough time to get comfortable on his catch. He did trade off of it very easily though. All in all, it was a very good flight.
     I'm trying to figure out what I'll do with him this week, because I have so much going on that I can't start hunting him yet, but I don't want to make him too comfortable on bagged game. I want to get him hunting ASAP, but I don't have the time yet. I'm thinking that I'll just split the week between lure flights and bagged game.
     Wish me luck! Happy Hunting!

Fecal Test

     Petrie was getting better for a while. There was less blood in his mutes and he was still acting like he was just fine. But this morning he started losing weight so freaking fast I though I must've messed up on his wight or something. He's losing twice as fast as he normally is. He nearly quit responding to me in the middle of training today, too. He was flying to my fist at 40 feet, dead on immediate. Then he just froze.
     I'm starting to get really, really worried. He was getting better, then he just tanked. I took a mute sample to the vet this afternoon, but there was barely any fecal matter to it. I don't think it's going to work. I don't think they'll be able to draw any conclusions from it at all. But it's already off, because the secretaries seemed confident enough that I couldn't talk myself out of it. I paid $40 for the test, but if it's inconclusive I don't get a refund. Doing this off of babysitting money means that wasting $40 is a huge deal.
     I'm starting to think it's Coccidiosis, but there are a billion other things it could be. It may be a bone shard in his guts, or a parasite, or I may have taken his weight reduction too far. I just really hope these results come back with some sort of conclusion. Preforably, a conclusion that will be quick and easy to deal with.
     Wish us luck!