by me, Anna
HE was the first boy I ever loved
And the only one I ever kissed
He was the one that helped me fly when I felt earthbound
He reminded me that I had potential
We never had any real conversation
All our communication was movement
Fluid, dancing
He saw me, not as a monster, but as hunter
A guide, a helper
He was my companion
I was always around him
And when I was not
It was like the world was broken
Dying, wilting, falling
One day, I let him go
And He stayed
I promised myself that every day
We would work in our silence
Learn his body movements
And He learned mine
No, we did not speak
No, we did not need to
I counted his wing beats to know how far he was going
He counted my strides to know what I was watching
We knew what the other was thinking
Without actually asking
He knew where we were going by the coat I wore
And I swore that there was no way in hell I was letting him
go again
I have not let him go
I have not moved on
He is long gone
But I am here
The first day after I found out he was dead
I was in the car, driving on the freeway
When a semi came up next to me
I thought ‘I could swerve
Right now
Just a little
And it would all be over’
I slid my hand up the wheel
Just a little
My front seat passenger slapped my wrist
Told me stay in my lane
But this is hard
I see Him on the other side of the truck
But I am stuck here,
The pain, they tell me, will go away
I do not believe them
But I have both my hands
And that means that my options are always open
One day… I promise myself
Some day…
