A few days ago, my sponsor lost her imprint kestrel, and my immediate thought was that it was my fault.
It was the one day I'd gone to visit them in months. That night she lost him. I felt like the worlds biggest bad luck charm. That's not even adequate to describe it. I felt like my resistance to skipping a year in falconry, meant that God was taking it out on her, to show me once again that this year was a bad decision.
I just never learn.
Monica was infatuated with her kestrel, Anakin, more so than a normal falconer is with their bird. She had all these plans for him, all these goals she wanted to achieve. She had a billion things that she wanted to do. He was all that she talked about.
When imprint birds are lost, you only have a day or two to find them. Being raised with humans means that they don't know what they're doing in the wild and they die very quickly. Monica never found Anakin. And I still blame myself.
At this point, we're all just dying together and it's my fault.
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